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Without excuse or explanation, here is a list of..

All The Human Beings Macy Has Ever (Really) Kissed:

1. I was 13 and he was my first real boyfriend. He kissed me for the first time in my bedroom upstairs with the door wide open. We could hear my sister reciting verses from the Bible outside. I don't remember much about the experience, though I remember it being quite good, as far as first kisses go. He was a nice guy, maybe too nice, and we broke up because I had gotten bored and stopped talking to him for 2-3 weeks hoping he would get the hint. He did and I'm a bitch, I know.
2. My second boyfriend. We didn't kiss for nearly 4-5 months into the relationship and I used to think it was so strange, but I had only one other relationship to compare it to at the time, so I never knew how to act around him. I guess he was kind of shy and awkward, because he told me over the phone that he was going to kiss me in the video store the next day so that, "all the nerds there can get jealous". I could tell from the uncertainty of his voice that he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince me. The kiss was brief and uncomfortable. I can barely remember it, to be honest.
3. Two girls in one night, because they were curious and I am a good friend.
4. A girl who was obsessed with Blink 182 and whose name begins with S.
5. Some random guy wearing a navy blue dress shirt in some random bar in some country other than the one I currently occupy. My friend said I would never do it, so naturally I did.
6. My first post-highschool boyfriend.
7. A sort-of friend at the time. He sort-of gave me a goodbye kiss and it was the most awkward kiss I have ever had ever and I spent the rest of that day agonizing over just how awkward it really was. The kiss itself wasn't awful, but the timing was.
8. Six other girls on six separate occasions.
9. I was eighteen when I first met him. I was sitting on the kitchen bench of some random guy's apartment when he introduced himself. The next day he invited me over to watch a movie and after he kissed me I had to sneakily turn around and wipe my mouth. He was naturally quite a terrible, horrific kisser. I went on to date this terrible, horrific kisser for 2 1/2 years. Sometimes I pretended to be sick just so he wouldn't kiss me. Does that make me an awful person?
10. Someone I am now friends with. I don't remember much about the kiss, but it happened in the afternoon.
11. Someone I probably should not have kissed. A horror movie was playing in the background.
12. Her name began with H. She was an old friend of a friend. We haven't seen each other since.
13. A friend who I was convinced was gay. He kissed me outside the gate of his house and I kept trying to stop him, yelling BUT YOU'RE GAY STOP IT WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU'RE GAY STOP STOP STOP. We don't talk anymore, but for reasons other than that.
14. His name began with T and he was the loveliest person I had talked to that day. He made me laugh so hard that I nearly fell off the fence I was propped on and he called me "clumsy" and I jokingly punched his arm. He said I was prettier than I give myself credit for, so I kissed him because I didn't know how to say Thank You and I didn't want him to compliment me again. I kissed him to shut him up.
15. Kissing this person was either the greatest thing ever or the most frustratingly stupid thing ever. That being said, I only ever turned down one kiss from this person and whenever I think about that Maybe Kiss, I am filled with regret.

edit: one of my flatmates has also started up a blog (he may or may not have written something about his mouth-parties), so go check it out here.


  1. that girl whose name begins with SMarch 16, 2013 at 2:40 AM

    what the hell hahahahahaha

  2. can't wait for part twoooooooooo macy moo :D

  3. Gosh you sure know how to get around. but i lol at the gay one.

  4. i fucking love you honestly