BITTER(SWEET)

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Will this destroy me and will it even matter? There's a longing inside of me and I can feel it crawling up into my chest. Because there are a thousand tender loves out there and I cannot begin to explain my own.

I wonder sometimes if you can hear it, this yearning that makes me choke and stumble on words. It's constantly raining in my head and I'm drowning in my thoughts because of it. But I risk it all, stealing glances and glimpses in the wake of better judgement, because this makes me feel more alive than I have felt in a while and I cannot bring myself to give it up. Even on the coldest nights, you manage to keep the chill from creeping its way into my arms and how wise would it truly be to let something like this slip through my fingers? Because they ache to be able to trace the outline of your jaw and feel the grin on your face widen. How curious it is that I hate the features on my face, but I would do anything to be able to run the tips of my fingers along every line and crevice of yours. And I'll say I'll Come Back For You, as if it were such an easy thing to do.

But it's not, is it? There is nothing easy about this and, perhaps, there will never be anything easy about this. Maybe we are destined to be together, alone, never quite touching, never quite loving. Never quite anything, ever. The past of Me and the past of You are laughing at us now, because they knew, I think, they always knew that it might be like this. Is there no satisfying ending to what we have found?

And it hurts because I've mistakenly given into the sweet sentiment; consumed by the empty wholeness of all that we are and all that we could be. My mind is prisoner to the hopeful creature which I place before you. She eats away at Logic and Reason and leaves smiles in places she shouldn't, this wild creature girl.

I could spend the rest of my life hiding my stubborn heart away if it meant I would not have to forget the way you look at me and smile. This scars my pride to admit, but I need to say the words, need you to understand and see that I have lost what little control I thought I had over my affections. You have not stolen my heart but, somehow, you managed to convince me to hand it over freely.

Let me know where this is going, wake me up from the sleep I've developed from lying under the stars and constellations in your gaze. Because this feeling is the beginning and end of all my thoughts. To wake up wanting to kiss you from across these oceans and knowing that every kiss might be a goodbye.








2 comments:

  1. this is really beautiful

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  2. I hope you will meet each other one day

    ReplyDelete