DEALING WITH THE QUARTER-LIFE CRISIS

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Your parents had sex this one time then 9 months later your face popped out and then the world was like, "hey! Go live and stuff! Life is fun! Play-doh exists!" and you were all happy playing in the sandbox with your friend who picks their nose and life was just fucking great.

And then you hit the quarter-life crisis.

You have responsibilities and expectations and student loans or unemployment and facebook. So many things just kind of hit you right in the face and you weren't necessarily prepared to deal with it all so you end up stalking your ex online while 3 days worth of food scraps lay in a sad and lonely pile on your floor. Your twenties are good, sure, but they're not always great. Sometimes they're even super fucking shit and that sucks, right? Yeah, it does. But we can get through this together.

Unless you're a dick, in which case you can go screw yourself.

Tips To Help Avoid A Quarter-Life Crisis:

1. Lower your expectations.
I’m definitely not saying that you should expect everything to turn to shit, but be realistic about your current situation. So you’ve just graduated? Great! But don’t expect to have a job lined up straight away. Don’t have enough money to pay your own rent? Then go live with your parents again, save up some money, move out when you can financially support yourself. Don’t expect to have the life you’ve always dreamed of without some hard work and patience. (Otherwise you run the risk of being an entitled asshole).

2. Accept the relationships that fail.
There’s nothing worse than holding onto the memories that used to be. People and situations are constantly changing and sometimes that means romantic and platonic relationships fall apart or dissolve even when we really, really don’t want them to. The longer you hold onto something that has gone, the more unnecessary pain you’re putting yourself through. Look, we’re not children anymore, we can’t throw tantrums every time something doesn’t go our way. We move the fuck on.

3. Ask for help.
Whether it’s for work, study or personal problems, don’t be scared to ask for a helping hand. No one has their shit totally figured out yet and it’s okay to admit that.

4. Have sex.
And enjoy as many orgasms as you’d like. I mean, you have more time in the world right now than you’ll probably ever have again, why not spend that time wisely? Have sex with people, have fun, and if you can’t find someone to bang, then have sex with yourself because you are a majestic human being who doesn’t need anyone because people are gross anyway.

5. Get off the internet, go outside.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the internet (I’d probably marry it if I could), but my God does it make us lazy and (sometimes) depressed. Fresh air, go get it, your lungs want (and need) it.

6. Eat healthier.
You’ll feel better, you’ll have more energy, you’ll be happier.. and soon enough you’ll find that you're 30 years old and you can’t afford to keep eating the shit that you’re eating. Small changes done sooner are easier than big changes done too late.

7. Help other people.
Some of the happiest moments I’ve ever had have been a result of me going out on a limb and helping someone who couldn’t help me back. People aren’t an accessory to your life, they’re human beings who sometimes need that extra support. I believe that you only get back what you put in and if you’re gonna spend your life being a selfish asshole, then sooner or later shit’s gonna hit the fan and you’re gonna get run over by a bus. And you’ll deserve it.

8. Google images of cute animals.
I have a bookmark titled “bears” on my laptop which automatically links me to youtube videos of bears and I honestly believe that at least 60% of my day-to-day problems are solved by this.

9. Live within your means.
And therefore avoid the troubling shame-spiral of regret you often get after purchasing something you really, really didn’t need. You’ll have less debt and you won’t have to live off two-minute noodles for 3 weeks just to pay it off.

10. Consider a change of scene.
Though this may not apply to each and every 20-something year old, it would be wise to consider that perhaps you’re down in the dumps because of your surroundings. Whether it’s your social circle or your current living situation, having a change of scene (temporary or otherwise) can help get you out of your slump. There’s nothing wrong with experiencing life in a new place while meeting new people and, if you find the change isn’t for you, there’s nothing stopping you from going back home (perhaps with a better appreciation).

11. Pick up a new hobby.
Picking up a new hobby is a pretty good way to keep your mind occupied and, if your newfound hobby is a social one, you’ll be meeting new people too. Some of the hobbies I recommend are: low self-esteem crossword puzzle solver, slightly hostile dinner party host and overly enthusiastic supermarket trolley racer. These are, however, probably not real hobbies that someone your age should be taking up.

12. Don't let stuff pile up.
Deal with tasks as soon as you're able to, otherwise you'll find yourself in a self-induced panic attack trying to sort everything out all at once before the world ends or something. If you finish all your tasks early, you'll have more time to relax and do all those nice things you want to do without feeling guilty. Like I said before - small changes done sooner are easier than big changes done too late. You'll thank yourself for it later.

13. Start a blog.
Ha. Haha. HAHAHAHAHA. (Yes, this is definitely sarcasm. Don't start a blog. You'll hate yourself.)

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