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Dear New Zealand,

I see you guys are doing alright in the RWC15. Watching the games from over here makes me feel like maybe I'm not miles and miles away. I do hope you guys win another time 'round, but I suppose that's kinda too much to ask, right?

This week went by super quickly for me, I don't even know what really happened. I had my last lesson teaching kids this week coz the company that organises those lessons are close to useless when it comes to the organisation of everything. I really loved hanging out with those kids, but I'm not being paid nearly half as much as I should considering the work I'm given that shouldn't even be my responsibility. One of my students can speak German and Russian (her mother is Russian), so we spent the afternoon switching between languages. I would say something in German, she would repeat in English, I would ask her something in English, she would repeat in Russian. It was actually super awesome and I can tell you now that I am terrible at Russian pronunciation.

Tuesday some woman is extremely rude and racist to me on the bus and I can't help but start cussing her out and calling her a stupid dumb bitch cunt lowlife asshole in front of everyone. I get so emotional that I have to get off the bus 4 stops before I have to and I angrily walk home in an attempt to cool down somehow. God, some people are fucking the worst.

Wednesday and Thursday were pretty tough. My mood was down and I was feeling irritable and anxious. Had to take a quick breather in between lessons at one point because I felt like I was going to explode. Have you ever had a panic attack? It's like sensory overload and you can't really control anything and it's just awful. I'm getting better at recognising the signs before anything happens though, which has helped me a lot.

Friday was nice though. My flatmate and I plan to chill out for the evening together since we haven't had a proper chance to in the past two weeks. We make brownies and nachos and watch The Office and go for a walk by the river and talk about the Dalai Lama and life in general and it's all just really, very lovely.

On Saturday I went to Dreamland (a bigass Drum and Bass party) with a few friends and we danced a lot and sweat a lot and one man called me Pocahontas and another woman stroked my hair and my ears felt like they were ringing and I ate a burger and some fries and found it near impossible to take my tight jeans off my very sweaty legs but it was a successful night and was a pretty cool experience. I don't think you guys have something like Dreamland back home, at least not to that scale. I wish I could show you all.

I think my mother has become a Jehovah's Witness. I think it's ridiculous and stupid and now I have to get her back to being herself again. Oh, the naivety.

OH! The weather here was also pretty okay this past week. I thought I should make a point of mentioning that, coz who knows when I'll next see the sun.

All my love,



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Dear New Zealand,

How the hell are you? Honestly, it feels like we haven't spoken in ages! Has anything interesting happened over there? Did anyone fuck any sheep? Did anyone get pregnant on Shortland Street? Tell me everything!

This week in Bremen has been 1000000% exhausting. I'm not entirely sure how I'm even writing this right now. Last Friday I went to Lila Eule (translation: Purple Owl) with Josh, Judith and a new girl I met named Theresa. I can't really say what I think of Lila Eule, except that nine times out of ten, it's shit, but that 1 time it's good? That's probably what makes people keep coming back. It's a small place and the people left behind after 3am are usually weird as fuck, but good company makes me forget most shit situations. Judith and Josh are good company. It'd be nice if you could meet them one day.

Now let me just tell you that I have no fucking clue how the fuck I got home in one piece that night. At around 6am or so, I managed to throw myself into a tram from Judith's place and get back home. I remember stopping by Back Factory (that's a bakery opposite my place) to get a motherfucking franzbrötchen so that when I woke up whenever it is my drunk body chose to wake up, I'd have something ready. Everyone in there was staring at me and it took all my energy and willpower to not give them a massive, "FUCK YOU, CUNTS!", but that's just Drunk Macy talking. Sober Macy would've handled that situation with poise and grace, obviously.

On the Saturday I cleaned myself up (after only 2 hours of sleep) and met up with my friend Tobi at his place for a few drinks before going to Lightplanke (another club, better than Lila Eule) for some awesome dancing fun time. I felt strange around the girls who were at his place coz I felt that we had nothing in common. There was this one lady though, Linda is her name, and she was pretty awesome - I liked her. I also liked Tim's girlfriend, Dana. Up until meeting her the second time, I called her Scully coz, ya know, X Files, am I right?! My friend shows me his collection of sex toys and we make a date to practice our bondage knots, coz that's what friends do. In the end, only he and I go to Lightplanke and dance our faces off and it was the best music night I've ever had there.

Monday evening I pre-celebrate Beard Man's birthday with his brother and some friends and being around them makes me miss home a lot. Beard Man makes badass ribs and I bake a cake for the occasion. Food is awesome and I fall asleep on the couch while the three remaining men drink beer. On Tuesday I have to go to work running on very, very little sleep. The lesson goes smoothly, and I can't help but think of my sister on the bus back to Beard Man's place. I have coffee with him and his friend and then take a nap, I think. My memory is a bit blurry. I go and watch Mission Impossible with Beard Man and his brother and we eat nachos and that's awesome and I surprise myself with how much German I'm actually able to understand. I meet Beard Man's father for the first time unexpectedly the next morning and we eat cake and he tells me to put more cream on my cake because that is the German way, apparently. Who am I to argue?

Work is exhausting and I never feel like I've had enough sleep. No partying for me this weekend, just lots of rest and writing. I hope next week isn't quite as tiring. The lack of sleep spikes up my anxiety and sometimes I fear having panic attacks on the way to work. Being this unsure and feeling this unsafe is such a shitty feeling. Sometimes I'm scared that no one here actually gives a shit about me coz I'm a shitty person, ya know? I realise that's paranoia, but I'm just pointing out how much fucking sleep I need, because thought patterns like that aren't good for anyone.

The weather here has gotten grey so quickly. It's like this city enjoyed maybe 2 weeks of Summer and the rest was rainy and grey and dissatisfying. I really, really, really miss home. I miss seeing mountains and being near the ocean and hearing the kiwi accent. I'm glad the Rugby World Cup is on right now, because it keeps the homesickness at bay.

I want pancakes. OMG, no, I want Captain Ben's chicken burger!!!! Can you send that overseas? Is that a thing now?

Much love and pineapple lumps,



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The first time I went to Vienna was over 2 years ago with my former flatmate from New Zealand. We travelled there from Regensburg in Germany in a cramped up little car in which I was victim to the dreaded *middle seat*. I can say only that the drive was worth it, because Vienna has got to be one of my favourite cities I've ever visited, if not for the city itself, then most definitely for the memories collected there.

Recently I had the opportunity to go back and revisit the city and spend time with an old friend of mine who currently lives there. The place had a different feel to it this time, and I'm not entirely sure why, though I can say that I'm not the same person now as I was back when I first went to Vienna. That might have something to do with it, or maybe I'm letting my imagination run wild - I'm prone to doing that quite often these days.

I can't really put into words what it was like being there again (which proves that I'm indeed a terrible writer). It felt strange and surreal, at times. There's something about that place. You'll find that, much like myself, you won't be able to put your finger on it.

Til next time, Vienna xx



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The internet loves cats and apparently now so do I. Except that I don't, I just like these two cats more than other cats because these two cats aren't assholes most of the time anyway. Meet Schani and Freitag, two very acceptable cats.

I really wanted to have been able to post more than this, but as fate would have it, I've been on-again off-again sick for the past two weeks, which has made "living" very un-fun. Because un-fun is now a word, deal with it. Much like being disappointed in Frank Ocean's inability to release his album like he said he would, I am equally disappointed in my body's immune system for failing to be a proper immune system.

To be fair, I haven't really been up to much so there really hasn't been much to write about. I've had things in the works, but very little motivation to finish any of it. I've got a lot of starts and very, very few endings. Being a shitty writer is really hard work, you guys. It requires a lot of self-loathing and extremely harsh self-criticism. I am only being partially sarcastic when I say that.

I'm sick right now, so it's back to bed for me. If any of you feel like coming over to stroke my hair and tell me how great I am, that would be very much appreciated. Hot soup and cuddles are also acceptable. Feel free to do all my chores too, if you feel like it.

Peace out xx