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Oh hey! I've been absent from the blog for some weeks now, and that'll be because my friend Leah has travelled all the way from New Zealand to spend a month with me here in Germany. She arrived 3 weeks ago and we've been as busy as possible between my working hours, which has been kickass. As much as I love the people I've met in Germany, it's always nice to have a familiar face around.

This weekend, we went to Hamburg for a day trip, just so I could show her around a bit. The city was super crowded and the U-bahn was packed like a can of sardines, but overall it was a really pleasant day (the sun came out for a visit!) and it was nice to see Hamburg again after so many months of being away. We spent the entire day there and managed to see only a smidgen of the city - it was too big for our tired feet! Came back home quite late and were absolutely knackered.

In less than 2 weeks we'll be heading off to Spain before Leah has to fly back home to NZ, so keep an eye out for many pretty photos of awesome Spanish things :)

For those of you who are interested, I also created a vlog of our day in Hamburg:



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This week of Social September was slow and exhausting, mainly because both Felix and I were sick at some point during the week. However, I did try and make an effort to document what little we did do, as that's the annoying thing that bloggers do, right?

Unwillingly woke up at 7am in order to get ready in time for work. As it was my first ever time going to Bremerhaven (about an hour outside of the city I live in), I wanted to make sure I didn't forget anything (which, of course, I did). Got to the train station and got myself a coffee, then my enthusiasm made me burn my tongue and I cursed very loudly, much to the disgust of the Germans around me (but, fuck you, it's 8:15am and I'm tired as hell, I'll curse as loudly as I want to curse). The train was delayed, which meant I was late for my first class there and the students immediately wanted to know how old I was. This, however, seems to be a running theme in my teaching so far because apparently age equals ability to teach. Class is nice enough once I get things started. Buses in Bremerhaven are a whole new ride, that shit is intense when you're so tired you can barely stand up. Got home, sleep.

Had work in the morning, then came home to find Felix was sick. I just gotta say really quick that on the way to work, the man sitting in front of me on the train watched gay porn (specifically, guys jacking off onto other guys) for a full half hour and it was such a bizarre/hilarious moment because, I assume, he totally didn't realise I could see what he was doing. Friends came over to make dinner and we had a good laugh, good pasta, and I ended up going to bed fairly early, which was a nice change.

As usual, had work and then came home and did more work. My brain felt like mush by 4pm and later that evening, a friend came to hangout. Keep in mind that this is a new friend, so we ended up hanging out and getting to know each other til 2-3am and I was fucking exhausted by the time I crawled into bed. That being said, it was an enjoyable evening, despite the looming early morning wakeup call.

Wake up at 7am feeling like absolute death. Try to call into work sick, but the secretary isn't answering. Knowing fully well that there would be absolutely no way I would be able to teach that day, I emailed all my students to say that today's lesson was cancelled. I gave them homework, of course, coz that's the kind of asshole thing teachers do. Felix is beginning to feel better at this stage, so he makes me a ton of ginger tea and I sleep for 12 hours. For dinner, we go to a friend's place to make sushi and, although it's super tasty, I'm low in energy and constantly feel like passing out. My friend, bless him, gives me medicine for the way home and I go to bed early.

I cancel my lessons for the day again, and I feel seriously guilty about it. I drink tea and watch Friends for the majority of the day and then my friend comes over with dinner, medicine and donuts and I am insanely happy because, ya know, donuts. Later in the evening, more friends come over and they get mildly drunk while I continue to drink tea and water. It's a fun night, but I'm exhausted by 12am.

Wake up feeling relatively better due to diligently drinking medicinal tea that tastes like medicinal ass. Go to Matti's place to help him with his thesis and spend several hours reading and editing and laughing about dad jokes. I tell him about the German man who sent me a picture of his penis with my name written on it (a tad too explicit to feature on this blog). As a joke, he sends me a picture of his foot with my name on it and I pretend to be very turned on, because I pretend to have a foot fetish and, yeah, that's our kind of friendship I guess. Friends send friends pictures of their feet to show they care. I go home feeling very tired, but at least slightly better than the previous days.

Drive around the outskirts of Bremen with my flatmates and our neighbours. Check out some old bunkers because why the fuck not. It gets very cold and we are staaarrrrrrviiiing by the time we get back to Bremen. Get some food, head to our neighbours garden (which was really lovely) and eat dinner and chocolate mousse and we are freezing by the time we get home. I take a really hot shower, have a look through my friend's thesis one last time and now I'm blogging. I still have work to do, but I don't want to do it. I should also be drinking tea, just in case. I'm feeling much better, enough so that I can go to work tomorrow.




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Week two of Social September has now come to an end (arguably it's still Sunday afternoon, so more could happen) and I am feeling particularly tired and dreading next week for reasons completely unrelated to Social September.

Wake up feeling like death and stay in bed for hours longer than I had originally planned. My Crohn's was being a total bitch and I spent the entirety of my day watching movies on my laptop and getting very, very little work done. Later met up with a friend to play videogames and watch American Horror Story, but got sleepy way too easily and had a restless sleep due to my aching limbs.

Did nothing on Tuesday except take my medication and eat pumpkin soup. Very glad that my Tuesday evening lesson got cancelled.

Had a meeting at work in the afternoon and get given a whole bunch of classes to plan for. Supposed to have Salsa dancing lessons, but end up staying at home instead and have a couple of friends over. Feeling extra lethargic and generally under the weather. Crohn's continues to be a bitch. Praying to all the Gods in existence that the pain doesn't continue onto next week.

Wake up feeling much better than the days before. Went to the Viertel with Felix to grab some food with our friend Judith and then play some videogames later. Go to Burgerhaus and eat more food than I've ever had in a very long time. Walk around feeling like a gigantic human marshmallow. Felix goes to convenience store, comes out with alcohol (because Germany, am I right?). Hands me a "Kalte Muschi" because it reminds him of me (for English readers, that translates to "Cold Pussy"). Spend some time drinking in the fading sunshine by the river and I somehow manage to get tipsy. I suspect my medication and all forms of alcohol do not want to be friends in my body. Play scary videogames with Judith and Felix then meet up with my friend Matti to play even more scary videogames. Go to sleep and have no nightmares, which is A+.

Wake up and have a productive afternoon with my flatmates. Sleepily go to work to get my afternoon lesson over and done with. Half way through the lesson I completely forget what I'm trying to teach - brain has turned into utter mush. Get home, take a shower, get dressed up and wait for Judith to arrive. Stranger sends me a picture of his dick with my name written on it and we collectively laugh at how fucking strange some people are (I mean, really, what the hell?!). Felix strikes up a conversation with a man who plays the Double Bass. We decide to head out for some drinks, end up going to Paddys for shots and beer, disappear sometime after that to go to The English Club, which was bizarre. Argue with the Irish bartender about All Blacks winning the previous Rugby World Cup. Shots were had, shots were fired (if every "blow job" involved Baileys, I imagine more girls would enjoy blowjobs). Try to go to Felix's favourite club and end up waiting for a train to pass for about half an hour and Judith and I are getting cold. Take a photo with many strangers, as per usual. End up back at Paddys where we drink with friends (Felix is particularly drunk at this stage), take photos in the Photo Booth and just get very drunk and tired.

Most of us are not as hungover as we thought we might be, which we are all very pleased about. Have friends over for brunch and cigarettes. Everyone is tired, but doing okay. Flatmates do lots of cleaning and unpacking and putting away of things. Go out to the park to soak up some sunshine. Judith comes over and I don't even remember what happened after that. I don't know, we did stuff I guess. Exhausted.

I slept in, tidied my desk, had a breakfast smoothie with Felix and now I'm blogging as a way to procrastinate from having to prepare my lessons for tomorrow. Early start tomorrow, have to go to Bremerhaven to teach at the Hochschule there. Boss Lady got mixed up with the material she gave me, so now I have nothing to work off and I have to make everything up, which is fine, I guess. Gonna try and be productive and I am very, very glad that I'm not currently hungover. Hallelujah!

Sooooo, yeaaaaaah. Less hectic than last week, but 60% more tiring due to my Crohn's being a whiney baby. Less than two weeks from now and my friend Leah will be coming to visit and shit is gonna get intense. Intensely tiring, intensely funny.



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At the end of last month, my flatmate and I made the decision to have a Social September. Within the month of September, he and I have agreed to do the following:

1. Go out at least 3 times a week.
2. Approach people who we would like to get to know, but would otherwise be too shy to talk to.
3. Try new things.
4. Say 'yes' to things which will not seriously harm our mental or physical health.

We have officially finished our first week of Social September and I am currently typing this in bed with the worst hangover I've had all year. Oh, to be young and stupid.

Cloudy day, woke up feeling extremely lazy (though this has more to do with how lazy I am and nothing to do with the weather). Felix and I go into the city to run some errands then head off to the Viertel for burritos because burritos are delicious. Buy our flatmate's birthday present, meet up with friends in the evening. Felix wants to try Salsa dancing lessons and I agree to join him even though dancing goes against every fibre of my being. I am dreading it. No alcohol consumed.

Felix and I go get Mexican food again and I eat less food and more chocolate mousse because chocolate mousse is the shit. I buy warm clothes because it's beginning to get chilly. Meet up with a friend in the evening to eat waffles and watch American Horror because waffles are delicious and I want to be made up of only sweet foods. No alcohol consumed.

The flatmates and I head to the Viertel to check out second hand stores, get food and buy some questionable supplies. Two hours before our Salsa dancing lessons, Felix and I have shots because there's absolutely no way in hell I am going to be dancing without alcohol. I get drunk in record time (that time being well under 20 minutes). Felix and I hop onto the tram on the way to our dancing lessons and we are both laughing and talking loudly. Get to the class and the teacher never shows up, so we took Trampoline lessons instead. We were the only students, I laughed at everything, nearly fell on my face, had a good time. Jumping for 2 hours while intoxicated is tiring as hell. Beginner levels of alcohol consumed.

Wake up early for a meeting at work, come back home and take a nap. Felix is in the mood to do something, so we agree to meet up with a friend for some 'quiet drinks'. We end up at the Irish Pub, Paddys. Shots are consumed, far too many shots were consumed. Talked to a lot of people, went very red in the face, scored some free food by striking up a conversation with an old man who teaches Roma in Austria, and came across a German bartender who holds an uncanny resemblance to one of my flatmates from last year. Had a nap in the bathroom. Friend tries to play Cupid and sets me up with his gf's older brother. Finally made it home and ended up making music with Leon for a few hours. Medium to high levels of alcohol consumed.

Wake up hungover, completing simple tasks at an alarmingly slow pace. Teach back to back lessons for 4 hours, finding it extremely difficult to concentrate on anything. Finally get home, take a shower and realise I'm still hungover as hell. Later meet a friend to hangout and continue doing things that involve getting very little sleep. No alcohol consumed, but many cups of coffee.

Tired from the night before and feeling like a zombie. Spend too long trying to convince my flatmate to get out of bed. Flatmates laugh at my detailed recollection of the previous night. Spend some time with our neighbours then I head to bed and sleep for two hours longer than I'm supposed to. Woke up starving, quickly grabbed some food then we made our way to a friend's bday celebration where we drank and smoked more than we expected. Friend surprises me with peanut butter m&ms and I think my brain is about to explode. Tried to play Fluffy Bunnies with cheese slices and failed miserably. Get home later than I thought. High levels of alcohol consumed.

Experiencing the worst hangover of the year so far and throw myself into the shower to get ready for the arrival of friends. We decided to host a Weißwurst Frühstück (literally translates to: white sausage breakfast, which sounds like the title of an 80s German porno). Everyone at the table is super hungover. We are still relatively hungover and trying to rest up as much as possible. Low levels of alcohol consumed (because you can't have a German breakfast without beer).

First week of Social September has been super fun, but also tiring. I feel like I've been hungover almost every single day, and I imagine it won't be so nice once I have to start working every day again. That being said, I have no real complaints about this week, because it's probably been one of the most exciting weeks I've had in a while. I also really want to have a nap right now.

Ciao, ciao x



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One day you realize that there are people you will never see again. At least, not in the same way. There’s some sort of tragedy in that.

They say that every lover you ever take keeps a part of you and that when you finally meet the person you’re supposed to be with, you will no longer have the whole of yourself left to give. And I thought of all the pieces that you must have of me and how, if we ever see each other again, whether you will give them back or if you will taunt me with them, flare them out like playing cards only to tuck them under each arm and disappear. That would be fair, all of these pieces, they will probably look like you anyway.

Here’s something I haven’t told you.

You were sleeping. I stretched my arm out in front of me, fingers splayed out across the canvas of your skin, careful not to touch or wake. My phone read 6:45am. If the days before were any indication, you would be sleeping for at least another three and a half hours. Your eyes moved back and forth behind delicate eyelids that whispered Sleep and Slumber. I looked at you and thought This Will Not Last. I knew that then, and I know it now. Our days were numbered.

I haven’t been eating properly for the past four weeks. My medication has been left untouched, hidden somewhere between letters I can’t read and truths I can’t swallow. In the shower, my hands pull at hair that doesn’t stay – this has always been the first sign of defeat. My stomach is gnawing at my spine, and it’s a welcome longing. My mother reminds me to be careful, she notices that my face is sinking and my eyes are dull. The distaste I have for myself has spread so much so that, when I meet people who have similar personality traits, I hate them like a habit. I am alone in a body that cannot love me.

You called me beautiful for the last time while I sat defeated on your bed, hands in my lap, tears in my eyes. You said, “you’re still beautiful, even when you’re crying”.

You only call me beautiful in memories now, and those memories claw at the back of my head, even when I try to drown them, sometimes especially then. Whatever we are now, I still remember what we were. I suppose it’s okay to miss the people who were bullets to you. Because there are a million different ways to bleed, but you are by far my favourite.

And now you've washed me from your sheets, swept me off your floor and kissed me into the lips of other willing hearts. I am, again, nothing to you. But there are no floods in the ocean, my love. Of course I am fine.